Author's Note
This blog is a deeply personal reflection on love, loss, faith and the enduring memories of my beloved parents. The conversations portrayed are expressions of my emotions, imagination and spiritual hope. References to an eventual reunion reflect my belief in life's natural journey, not a desire to hasten its end.
Above all, this is a celebration of life—a commitment to fulfil my responsibilities, pursue my dreams and honour my parents by living with dignity, gratitude and purpose.
— JK Jiwani, FCCA (UK)
Mom, One Day, When My Journey Is Complete, I Hope You'll Come to Meet Me…
Until Then, I Have Promises to Keep, Dreams to Fulfil, and a Life That God Has Yet to Unfold.
A son's conversation with his beloved mother, beyond the silence of death.
By JK Jiwani, FCCA (UK)
In loving memory of my parents, especially my beloved mother, Daulat Kabiruddin Jiwani, who departed this world on 23 August 2026.
Mom, I Have Been Thinking About You Again…
Actually, that isn't quite true.
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
There isn't a single day when your memory doesn't find its way into my thoughts. Sometimes it arrives quietly, like a familiar fragrance passing through an empty room. Sometimes it comes unexpectedly, through a photograph, a memory, a familiar expression or a simple moment I wish I could share with you.
And sometimes, Mom, it arrives with such force that I have to stop whatever I am doing and simply allow myself to miss you.
You know what I find most difficult?
It isn't only that you are no longer here.
It is that I still have so much to tell you.
There are conversations we never finished, experiences I wanted to share, questions I never thought to ask and moments I assumed we would have more time to enjoy.
I now understand something that no book, qualification or professional experience could ever have taught me.
We spend much of our lives preparing for the future, rarely realising that some of the people we love most may not be there when that future arrives.
And yet, Mom, I still speak to you.
Not because I expect the telephone to ring or your voice to answer from another room.
I speak because loving someone for a lifetime does not become meaningless simply because they are no longer physically present.
My words have nowhere visible to go.
But my heart still knows whom it is addressing.
Mom, I Hope You Have Met Dad…
There is something I have wanted to ask you ever since that August day.
Mom, have you met Dad?
I know I cannot know what lies beyond this life.
But I find comfort in imagining that perhaps, somewhere beyond everything we understand, you and Dad have found each other again.
Dad left us in February 2022.
And when you departed on 23 August 2026, I experienced a different kind of loneliness.
With both of you gone, I realised that an entire generation of my personal world had quietly disappeared.
The two people who knew me long before I had qualifications, responsibilities, achievements or ambitions were no longer here to witness the person I am still becoming.
You both knew the child before the man.
You knew my beginnings before I understood my own journey.
You saw my imperfections, my struggles and my possibilities.
And you loved me through them.
Mom, I sometimes imagine you telling Dad everything that happened after he left.
About the difficult days.
About the changes in our lives.
About the efforts I made to care for you.
About the things I managed to accomplish and the things I am still trying to achieve.
And perhaps, in that imagined reunion, Dad smiles and asks how I am doing.
If that conversation were possible, Mom, I would want you to tell him something.
Tell Dad that I am trying.
Tell him that life has not always been easy.
Tell him that I have made mistakes, experienced disappointments and carried responsibilities that sometimes felt heavier than I could manage.
But tell him that I have not abandoned my desire to learn, to contribute and to become a better human being.
And above all, tell him that I miss both of you.
More than words can adequately explain.
Mom, Something Changed Inside Me When You Left.
Before you departed, my days had a familiar purpose.
There was always something to arrange, something to attend to, something to remember.
Your medicines.
Your meals.
Your comfort.
Your wellbeing.
The countless small responsibilities that come with caring for someone you love.
There were difficult moments, certainly. There were exhausting days and nights when concern overshadowed everything else.
But underneath those responsibilities was something precious.
I was needed.
I had someone to come home to.
Someone whose presence gave structure to my days.
And then, suddenly, that chapter ended.
The responsibilities disappeared.
But the love remained.
And nobody had prepared me for what to do with love that no longer had its familiar daily expression.
For a while, Mom, I felt as though I had lost not only you but also a part of myself.
I had spent so much time being your son and caregiver that I began wondering who I was supposed to become now.
It is a question I am still learning to answer.
Mom, I Know One Day My Journey Here Will Also End.
I do not know when.
I do not know how.
And I do not claim to understand the mysteries of life, death or what awaits us beyond this earthly existence.
But I do believe that every human life has a beginning, a journey and, eventually, an end.
And somewhere deep within my heart, I hold a tender hope.
When my own time comes naturally, when I have lived the life entrusted to me and completed whatever good I was meant to do, I hope that somehow, somewhere, we shall meet again.
I imagine recognising your smile.
The familiar warmth in your eyes.
That unmistakable expression which only a mother can give her child.
I imagine looking at you and saying:
"Mom, I have so much to tell you."
And perhaps, for the first time in a very long while, there would be no separation to interrupt our conversation.
But that moment, whenever and however God wills it, belongs to the future.
Today, Mom, I am still here.
And I believe there must be a reason for that.
Until Then, Mom, I Have My Assignments to Complete.
Not merely the academic assignments lying on my study table.
Though, knowing me, you would probably remind me to finish those too!
I mean the larger assignments of life.
The responsibilities God may still have entrusted to me.
The knowledge I have acquired but have not yet fully shared.
The people whose lives I might still be able to influence for the better.
The unfinished dreams.
The opportunities to serve.
The mistakes I can still correct.
The relationships I can still nurture.
The kindness I can still extend.
At 55, I find myself studying law, preparing for examinations and attempting to build a new chapter of life.
Some people might wonder why someone with decades of professional experience would return to college at this stage.
But you understood something important, Mom.
Education has no expiry date. Purpose has no retirement age. And the human spirit need not surrender simply because life has become difficult.
I still want to complete my LL.B.
I still want to teach.
I still want to write.
I still want to use my experience in finance, business and law to help people navigate challenges they cannot easily resolve alone.
And yes, Mom, I still want to rebuild my financial independence.
Not merely for money, status or recognition.
But because I want to live with dignity, remain useful and stand on my own feet.
Perhaps I may never accomplish everything I once imagined.
Perhaps my path will be very different from the one I planned.
But I want to give the life still available to me a meaningful chance.
Mom, There Are Days When I Feel Tired.
I wish I could tell you that I have become stronger with every passing day.
That I wake up each morning filled with determination.
That grief has made me wiser, more disciplined and more resilient.
But life is not quite so simple.
Some mornings, I feel hopeful.
On others, even opening a book requires effort.
Sometimes I make ambitious plans for the future.
And sometimes, the smallest memory of you is enough to bring tears to my eyes.
There are moments when I feel the absence of your encouragement more deeply than I can express.
I miss knowing that someone was concerned about whether I had eaten, rested or reached home safely.
I miss the comfort of being able to share my worries without first having to explain my entire life.
And I miss those ordinary moments that I now realise were extraordinary blessings.
But I am slowly learning that grief and hope do not have to be enemies.
I can miss you and still smile.
I can cry and still continue studying.
I can feel lonely and still reach out to the world.
I can carry sorrow without allowing sorrow to become the whole of my identity.
Perhaps strength is not the absence of grief. Perhaps strength is learning to carry love and loss together, while continuing to live.
Mom, I Hope You Would Be Proud of What I Am Trying to Become.
I don't know what lies ahead.
Whether I will achieve the financial security I dream of.
Whether I will complete all the books I hope to write.
Whether I will become the legal professional, mentor and adviser I aspire to be.
Whether I will experience another chapter of happiness, companionship and peace.
But I know what I want my remaining years to represent.
I want to be remembered as someone who kept learning.
Someone who helped where he could.
Someone who treated people with dignity.
Someone who refused to let bitterness replace kindness.
Someone who understood that charity is not merely the giving of money, but also the giving of time, knowledge, understanding and compassion.
And someone who, despite profound personal loss, eventually found the courage to embrace life again.
I do not know whether you can witness any of this, Mom.
But your influence is present in the choices I make.
And that is something I can know with certainty.
There Is One More Thing I Want to Tell You, Mom.
I am learning that honouring you does not mean remaining permanently unhappy.
For a while, I almost felt that smiling, celebrating an achievement or enjoying a peaceful day somehow diminished the depth of my love for you.
But that cannot be what a lifetime of parental love was meant to produce.
You spent years caring for me.
Hoping for my wellbeing.
Wanting me to succeed.
Surely the most meaningful way to honour that love is not to surrender my own wellbeing, but to protect it.
To eat properly.
To rest.
To look after my health.
To maintain friendships.
To fulfil responsibilities.
To appreciate the people who are still part of my life.
And to experience happiness when happiness finds its way back to me.
I do not have to remain in darkness to prove how deeply I loved someone who brought light into my life.
Your memory deserves a place in my happiness as much as it has a place in my tears.
So, Mom, This Is My Promise.
I will not rush towards the end of my journey.
I will not spend the life I have been given merely waiting for the life beyond it.
I will live the days God grants me with gratitude and responsibility.
I will complete my education.
I will look after my health.
I will seek meaningful work.
I will share whatever wisdom my experiences have given me.
I will try to make someone's burden lighter.
I will learn to accept help when I need it.
I will remember Dad.
I will remember you.
And I will allow myself to discover that, even after great loss, life can still contain moments of beauty.
On difficult days, I may manage only a little.
On better days, I may accomplish much more.
But I will try not to confuse a difficult day with a meaningless life.
And When That Distant Day Finally Comes…
Mom, I hope it will be after a life well lived.
After the assignments have been completed.
After the lessons have been learned.
After the kindness has been shared.
After the dreams have been pursued, whether achieved or not.
After I have done what I reasonably could with the time and opportunities entrusted to me.
And if there is a reunion beyond this life, as my heart hopes, perhaps I will find you and Dad together.
I imagine no grand welcome.
No ceremony.
No elaborate explanation.
Just the familiar comfort of being with my parents again.
Perhaps I will smile and say:
"Mom, Dad, I have finally come home."
And until that day, I will continue learning how to make peace with the home I must build within myself.
Because the final lesson your love has left me is this:
The people we love may no longer walk beside us, but they can continue to shape the direction in which we walk.
So rest peacefully, my beloved Mom.
I hope you and Dad are together.
I hope that whatever lies beyond this world is filled with peace.
I will carry you both in my heart.
And tomorrow morning, God willing, I will rise again, open my books, attend to my responsibilities and take another step towards the person I still hope to become.
Not because I love you any less.
But because you gave me a life worth living.
Mom, I am not waiting for life to end. I am living it, with the hope that love may one day bring us together again.
Until then…
I have promises to keep.
I have work to do.
I have people to love.
And I have a life still waiting to be lived.
“Mom, I still have dreams to fulfil. I am studying law, preparing to build my own global consultancy, and determined to make the remaining chapters of my life meaningful. I shall carry your love and Dad's memories with me—not as reasons to stop living, but as reasons to live with greater purpose.”
Dedicated with everlasting love and gratitude to my beloved parents.
Late Daulat Kabiruddin Jiwani
Departed: 23 August 2026
And my beloved father, who departed in February 2022.
— JK Jiwani, FCCA (UK)
5 November 2026
“Death may separate our physical presence, but it cannot erase the love that taught us how to live.”


